It may have escaped your notice if you are outside the UK but we have just had a General Election. This is a once every 5 year voting festival where we get to decide who we want to tell us what to do for another 5 years and then moan about our choice incessantly afterwards.
But hey, that’s democracy.
So, who won?
Well, there were 2 main candidates. Long term BlackBerrian and incumbent Conservative Party Prime Minister David Cameron (pictured with a White Classic that we lovingly have given him) and a man representing the Labour Party called Ed Miliband.
Ed, despite the rosy indications of opinion polls, unfortunately, had little chance of winning. How do we know? Because, during the campaign it became apparent that Ed was an iPhonian.
But worse than that.
Ed is an iDiot.
During the election campaign Ed was doing rather well in the opinion polls. Well enough that his aides thought it was high time he put aside childish things and got himself used to the phone that he would have to use if he were Prime Minister. He’d have to use a proper big boys phone. One that didn’t leak his personal details all over the place. One where he would not put the country at risk in using it as every man and his dog could listen in to his conversations or read all his emails. In short, they gave Ed a BlackBerry.
Ed, showing the kind of disturbing levels of iGnorance that would eventually cost him the election then went on UK national radio station Absolute Radio and said this, as reported, amongst others, by Digital Trends:
With the General Election around the corner, Miliband was obsessed with his iPhone, constantly checking Twitter and different political commentary on the smartphone. As a way to tear his eyes away from the handset, Miliband decided to use a BlackBerry smartphone because of its “limited functionality.” Ouch.
“The good thing about a BlackBerry — I’m going to insult the BlackBerry makers now — is that it’s harder to do those things, and so it’s more limited functionality,” said Miliband.
Yes, all that ‘limited functionality’ that serves world leaders so badly. All those messages appearing in the Hub, just one swipe away, with Notifications begging to be answered, not sat splattered over various apps wondering when you’ll get to them. All that tiresome battery life, rather than sitting in the House of Commons complaining that there’s no plug point underneath your seat. And all that signal strength, after all, who’d want to actually make a phone call as Prime Minister???
Inevitably, of course, Ed lost very badly and has now resigned as leader of the Labour Party so someone else can have a go. He is free to shuffle off into obscurity and, as this picture shows, can merrily go back to his beloved iPhone and fade away with it into utter insignificance:
Here’s the truth.
Those who settle for mediocrity are happy with an iPhone.
Winners use a BlackBerry.