Umigate Part Deux – ‘Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s iPhonia I Go…’

hot shots part deux

Just a couple of months ago long time financial whizz kid, BlackBerry stalwart and CrackBerry fixture Chris Umiastowski caused uproar over at CB with his declaration that he was moving away from BlackBerry and onto Android.

His reasoning?

Well, he claimed that he just couldn’t live without Google Services, a problem which we covered in a fair and balanced fashion in our article of June 13th Umigate – Why Chris Talks Crap, which, unfortunately, he did. Let’s remind ourselves of what Chris had to say at the time:

‘As much as I love BlackBerry 10, these apps have collectively become more important to me than the overall OS. In other words I’m willing to deal with a poorer OS experience to have access to these apps.

So I have to wonder what it would take for BlackBerry to just sign a deal with Google to have access to the Play store and all of the awesome Google apps inside it.

Why not make it happen? What’s stopping it?

In the mean time I am dealing with Android. There’s no other way to put it. The multitasking is slow. The keyboard is weak (even with Swiftkey installed), the native email app is horrible, and I find that it’s overall just a pain in the ass to get things done inside of Android.’

Yes, without going too much over old ground, Chris was claiming that the BB10 experience was vastly superior, but he couldn’t live without those Google Services.

His argument was then seen to be pants but there you go.

Interesting then to see Chris suddenly pop up at iMore, the Mobile Nations home of the terminally bewildered band of iPhonians still desperately clinging to the past with this little gem:

Come iPhone 6 Launch Time, Samsung Will Lose My Business To Apple

Woah! After only 2 months?

Or is it?

Because after rattling on about how great it is that Apple are bringing out a bigger iPhone Chris hits us with his reasonings as to why he will be ditching his SG4 for the amazing iPhone 6:

Now let’s look at the world outside of Apple. Read comments on any Apple fan site and you’ll see that people have been wanting a larger iPhone for quite some time. Some of these people are sticking with Samsung or other Android phone vendors because of screen size, despite believing that iOS is better. Apple is likely to win over some of these customers with a larger form factor (or form factors).

I’m a good example of this. After being a BlackBerry user for about 13 years I made the switch to Android about one year ago. I currently use the Galaxy S4 as my primary phone. Although I have always hated the complexity of the Android OS, I have fallen in love with the drastically improved app store and built-in Google services. Oh, and I admit I’m a big fan of the 5-inch screen size. But I much prefer iOS to Android. When I pick up my wife’s iPhone or our iPad Mini I find them so much simpler and more enjoyable to use.

Come iPhone 6 launch time, Samsung will lose my business to Apple. I’ll finally be able to have the large screen, enormous selection of apps and the best of what Apple and Google have to offer in one phone.

Will I go for the 4.7-inch or the 5.5-inch iPhone? Personally I’ll probably stick with the smaller version. My Galaxy S4 is already borderline too big to hold comfortably in one hand or put in my pocket. But that’s just me. Women who carry a purse might love the 5.5″ as might men who wear a suit and can comfortably tuck their phone away in the inside breast pocket.

I’m sorry?

Let’s just look at that one again:

After being a BlackBerry user for about 13 years I made the switch to Android about one year ago.

Hmm. Not quite the impression Chris gave back in June. At the time he said ‘several months ago’, factually correct I am sure, but I bet had the good folks at CrackBerry known that several months actually meant 10 or 11 months (which meant Chris dumped BB10 somewhere around 10.0 to 10.1) then their anger would have been even further fueled, particularly since Chris was still busy posting away in the guise as a BlackBerry fan (whether intentional or not) on CrackBerry as if he actually cared as a user. Which he so obviously didn’t.

Still, like all good ex-BlackBerry people, he realises that Android is old and slow. But, like many others, he can’t bring himself yet to come #BackToBlack (don’t blame him after so publicly decrying BlackBerry 10) so the solution is, of course, the only other option, to join the downward spiral that is iPhonia.

Unfortunately I have bad news for him in the form of this recent article from Fast Company


Oh, goodness me! It can’t be true, surely?

Yes, Apple have had enough of helping Google out so they are slowly but surely forcing users back into Apple World. A world where:

In iOS 8, when you’re in iMessages, one of the more compelling new features is the ability to share your location with friends with a self-destruct timer a la Glympse, the ephemeral location-sharing app. The catch is you’re defaulted to using–you guessed it–Apple Maps. It’s a deeper level of integration within the iPhone that Google Maps simply doesn’t reach.

There are other examples pointing to an Apple ecosystem attempting to minimize Google’s presence in subtle ways: Apple now allows DuckDuckGo as the default search platform within mobile Safari, which, interestingly, doesn’t track a user’s footprint across the web like Google does. Spotlight on your phone can now pull up news and results from places nearby from Apple Maps and Yelp. And Siri even steals Google Now’s hands-free input–just say, “Listen, Siri.”

Indeed, Apple has always given preferential treatment to its own applications–so the fact that opening a link inside a Mail message kicks you over to Safari should hardly come as a surprise. But when Apple unceremoniously gave Google Maps the boot as its default mapping application and removed YouTube (ostensibly as part of Steve Jobs’s “thermonuclear war” on Android), it has been on a mission to phase Google out of its homescreen entirely. With iOS 8, the company merely takes things one step further.

Your move, Google.

So, Apple are pretty fed up with being a carrier for Google Services and are phasing them out as quickly as possible – first step, hide them.

Still, I’m sure that Chris will enjoy every minute of that terrible battery life and appalling antenna in place of that crappy slow lag ridden old malware ridden Android OS.


At least he’s gotten used to pressing dur… big… clunky… button at… dur bottom… to get around.

The truth of it is that Chris is just like many, many other ex-BlackBerrians – they left because it wasn’t trendy and just can’t find anything to do what their BlackBerry did. It’s an itch that just won’t go away – nagging at you that surely there is something better than this?

Yep. There is.

It’s what you left in the first place.

Poor old Chris, he really is learning the hard way.

Still, at least he got one supportive comment on his iMore article:

You won’t regret it, Umi. I finally put my BlackBerry away in June. I could not be happier and more satisfied with my choice of phone. No bricking, no nuking, no rebooting….all the apps I want and need on a dependable, high quality device. Stellar, effortless support.
I only wish I’d done it earlier. When I think of all the aggravations of the last few years dealing with BlackBerry’s drama, I kick myself for waiting so long.

Oh dear. The level of iGnorance is strong…

Chris will be #BackToBlack soon enough and I look forward to the day. In the meantime, I suppose there’s just one question left…

Why wasn’t his article posted on Android Central?


Bigglybobblyboo is a legend almost nowhere at all. He is a founder member of UTB and spends his spare time taking out his anger at the world with a fishfork and a spatula. He is also a Cribbage Master, having won 1 fight online as the other guy refused to turn up out of fear for his life.

  • Blackjack

    What a tool. Doesn’t even come with a bag.
    Grass is always greener on the other side… until you get there.

  • razrrob

    Awesome post as always Biggly!

    Wasn’t that last quote attributable to a former CB Ambassador? You know, the one who felt superior to others, that her opinion was the only one that mattered? I’d love to know how many times her former BlackBerry bricked, nuked, or rebooted since the first of this year (2014)? Cos if it did I would bet my bottom dollar it was caused by user error. Finally, most of the drama she refers to was by her own doing.

  • BB4edge

    Good job Biggly. I’m enjoying your blogs and this one comes as no surprise. Chris Umi is just another out work stock analyst whose predictions probably fell flat more often he changed phones, moving into freelance writing for whatever flavor of the day blog website who would offer to put his name and pic up on their front page. Tends to remind me of another person that went by the name of Jubei Raziel….

  • Canuckvoip

    Too funny.
    Oh well… it’s an entry level device. Too bad for him.

  • nnik

    That’s an iPhone disease… The bricking, rebooting nuking isn’t that what many of them do when they get an os update? Whoever the tool was that gave Umi that advice is a real piece of work. I don’t need to get into specifics, if you read utb….you already know

    • razrrob

      Nik, is there a female version of ‘tool’?

      • nnik

        ….. I read back, take tool to mean “dumber than a sack of hammers”

  • Wow. Thanks for keepin’ it real as always Biggs. I’m so happy to have a place to go and hang out that doesn’t have all the drama, brain damage and disingenuous talk that takes place over at CB.

    I don’t want to sound uninformed, but what services was he wanting that we can’t get access to on BB10?

    Not that I would do that too much as I don’t want my privacy compromised to become fodder for Google’s ambitious strategy to monetize my entire life.

  • Gebco

    If be finds email and multi – tasking substandard on Android, wait till he uses iPhone. Unless the iOS fixes this. And what about a file manager?


    Good article Biggs. In a way I’m glad he wrote his first article, pissed me off so much I found UTB. I rarely go to CB anymore.

  • Anthony

    Ummmmmmmmmmmmmiatowski locco_smiley_12

  • Brad

    They wouldn’t let him post it at Android Central because the head cheese didn’t want to have to step down to calm the villagers.

  • Poita316

    Cant they just change their name to CrackDroid or something?
    Looks like somebody is trying to steal the #1 spot from our favorite BlackBerry douche Geller.
    Its hard to find a good BlackBerry fan site, a REAL fan site. CrackBerry is way to commercial, is weeks behind with news (I used to be a mod), N4BB has a few that jump to whatever forum is populair at the moment, BlackBerryEmpire…. Well, not realy that special either. The list goes on and on.
    I feel just at home here under this bridge with some of the weirdest yet loyal BlackBerry fans out there.

  • web99

    Great write up biggly. So neither Blackberry 10 or Samsung SG4 is good enough for him! With all the problems that have been occurring with the iPhone, I don’t see him staying long before he switches again.

    You won’t regret it, Umi. I finally put my BlackBerry away in June. I could not be happier and more satisfied with my choice of phone. [b]No bricking, no nuking, no rebooting….[/b]all the apps I want and need on a dependable, high quality device

    As far as the person who made the above quote, IOS devices are not as problem free as you allude to. Take a look at the links below. These iPhone users are experiencing problems with their devices and unfortunately they do not share your opinion.

    iPhone 5s rebooting

    iPhone bricking after ios update

    iPhone 5s WiFi Issues

    iphone 5s battery drains problems

    48 problems with iOS 7.1, and how to fix them

  • veeru789

    its a click bait. im sure his anti-BlackBerry article got lots of hits. now the same will happen with all android users bashing him at iMore. and then something else. its all about clicks. he is not loyal to anything. just clicks. excellent strategy though.

  • jrohland

    Biggs, we all know the guy is a pile of rubbish. A guy with your imagination can surely find better things to blog about. Thank you.

    • Bigglybobblyboo

      Well, wouldn’t call him such as he’ll be back soon enough but after what he originally wrote I’m afraid I just couldn’t let this level of cobblers go.

      I mean, it’s an impressive volte face wouldn’t you say?

      • jrohland

        I’m over at that other site reading about Blend, something I, as a BlackBerry user, care about.

  • Robert

    To be honest, I’m glad he’s gone. Good riddens.