Reverend Grim Ponders… Why do people hate their iPhone?

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Yes my faithful, I know its not Sunday but as I was packing up from the old mothers flower arranging and coffee morning (Many thanks to  undbiter65 for running this on a weekly basis, I know the old ladies like the younger man with a PURE WHITE PASSPORT!) I happened upon a some people sitting in the back of the Temple, all looking sad and distraught…

Well your good Reverend wasn’t going to let this happen, so went over to see what was wrong. It transpires that they were iPhone owners and they were not happy with their recent upgrades… or as one put it “Why did I spend out on a downgrade?”

Well, after a lengthy chat I got a list of things they don’t like.

It’s quite extensive and a few reasons… a little odd dare I say!

1. It bends.
The iPhone 6 Plus’s coolest new feature is that it bends if you sit down with it in your pocket.

2. The new operating system sucks.
iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus users who downloaded the iOS 8 update had their cell service and Touch ID functionality killed as well as other, rather important, features.

3. You can use a fake fingerprint to gain access to the phone.
It takes some special gear like a printer/scanner and some plastic sorta stuff to print on, but the flaw means all your nudes could be vulnerable to especially enterprising hackers… and other important stuff obviously!

4. The screen is too big to type while you eat.
From Business Insider‘s Jay Yarow:

Wednesday, while I was setting up my phone, I was eating dinner — sausage sandwiches with potato chips, because I like to eat healthy. As a result, I did the whole thing one-handed. That wasn’t too bad, but I did start to feel like my left hand was getting disjointed trying to bend my thumb around to hit various buttons.

Yeah Apple! Don’t you think that maybe you should make the screen shrink at meal times to combat this?

5. Vibrate mode is simply too loud. Loud vibrate… fair enough… I’m guessing it doesn’t have silent?

6. The screen is too big to discreetly view porn in public.

@PuzzlePunk says…

iPhone 6 Plus screen too big to look at smut on my phone in public. FML this train ride sucks.

And @MattHaysAZ said…

iPhone 6 Plus problems… too big of a screen to discretely look at porn in public. #firstworldproblems #iPhone6Plus

Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t be watching that sorta stuff in public? Just a thought you dirty sheeple!

7. It looks like breakfast food. According to @26whiteside2  it looks like you’re holding a slice of toast to your head! Er… O.K… maybe some med’s are needed?

8. It doesn’t transport you to a fictional land … There really are some odd people out there! they must think as there is a ‘Home’ button (That doesn’t take you home) there must be another button that takes you to Narnia?

9. Its too big for my little thumb!  Tim Cook say’s that’s your fault not Apple’s, grow your thumb or put up with it!

10. Apps not designed for it look kinda screwy.  Aren’t all app’s on iTunes designed for iPhones? No? Don’t download them then… that’s like a Fandroid saying “This Samsung case doesn’t look right on my HTC one” iDiot!

11. The back looks like a half-finished prototype.  What do you expect? The Operating system and Security features are still works in progress, as soon as they are sorted they will finish the casing for you, be patient, you want a new iPhone every few months, it’s your fault for rushing Apple to get it released in time!

12. 5GB space needed for updates. Well you can fix that by getting yourself a micro SD card, inserting it into you… ahh… ok… perhaps you should just delete all the photo’s of your wife giving birth to the twins to make space… you might get them back from someone who has copied them from your phone… that or buy the bigger iPhone, the choice is yours…

13. iCloud… doulCi… enough said!

14. Music Player won’t play .flac Well iPhone’s don’t need to, can you buy .flac music from iTunes? No so you don’t need it! Get over it!

The list goes on my brethren, on and on and on…

Some of these reasons, I have to say are slightly STUPID! but then they are coming from sheeple who, rather stupidly, didn’t think before the sales staff said “We have just what you need… sign here, here and here… thank you, Apple now own you!” So we will just have to let it go!

Something I won’t let go though!

I have two contracts, one with Orange and one with EE , Here in the UK Orange and T-Mobile live under the same roof, EE, so technically speaking both are with EE. Anyway, I have been looking at upgrading one of them to get a Passport soon, or maybe a Classic later in the year, so I checked up online and found some rather distressing things!

Looking for a BlackBerry in the UK from a carrier (much like the rest of the world) takes some time!

I had to sift through all this Apple crap these Apple phones to try and find BlackBerry, and when I say ALL I mean ALL, lots and lots…

Here are the results!

EE (Orange and T-Mobile) …..36 iPhones NO BlackBerry

Tesco Mobile……………………….36 iPhones NO BlackBerry

Three UK………………………….56 iPhones and TWO BlackBerry’s WOW! No, not really, both on offer were the 9320, one new and one refurb… hmm.

O2…………………………………..43 iPhones NO BlackBerry

Talk Mobile……………………….Only 6 iPhones NO BlackBerry

Vodafone………………………….40 iPhones AND 5 BlackBerrys! Passport, Z30, Z10,Q5 and Q10, but all stupidly high prices over a 24 month contract

And FINALLY…

Virgin Mobile, now, before I tell you how many iPhone’s they have on offer just think about how many different phones Apple have made, realistically, shall I tell you?

Ten… That’s right, TEN! These are the 1st Generation, 3G, 3Gs, 4, 4s, 5, 5s, 5c, 6 and 6+ there you have it, but no, Apple have made many more than that… NO THEY HAVEN’T!

Making a Phone, say the iPhone 5 for arguments sake, and giving the option of 3 colours and 3 memory sizes DOES NOT EQUATE TO 9 DIFFERENT PHONES! Working on that theory the Z10 came in black or white and you can get a 1,2,4,8,16,32 or 64gb micro SD card for it so BlackBerry released 14 different Z10’s!

No, BlackBerry would say “We released the Z10, you can have it in black or white, your choice, oh, and whatever size memory you want up to 64gb as and when you want”

So, do you want to know how many iPhone’s Virgin have to offer? SIXTY SEVEN!

That’s right! 67 variants of  the same piece of … tat!

And all of these numbers are CONTRACT ONLY! There’s no Pay as You Go or sim free… can you imagine how many more iPhones these places want you to buy?

I had to have a little tweet at EE for their part in all this as they are my mobile provider, I asked…

just looking for an upgrade, 37 iPhones but not one I want  in a phone not malware as standard!

And they replied within three hours…

Hi, would this be the site you are looking for; . Thanks.

So I clicked the link to find… No BlackBerry’s!

So EE, Orange, T-Mobile… whatever you want to call yourselves, is this good customer service? Do you even know what you are on about? What do Apple have over you? Why do I have to sell my soul to Apple just because you have?

And anyone from O2, Virgin or the others reading this, don’t think that I’m exclusively having a go at EE, you are all (with a slight exception to Vodafone) guilty of this! I’m wondering if any of the data you have on me, ie, billing address, name, date of birth, direct debit details etc… is it safe? Why should I trust you when all you want me to have is my stuff put at risk with inferior and, let’s face it, damn right dangerous operating systems? Don’t try telling me that I can get an app to protect me, I have seen these non existent apps, pay for a little tab and have nothing in return, and even if I did get protection why should I pay extra for something I get for free on a handset that is far superior to start with?

Honestly people, I can’t understand it, ALL the government’s are BlackBerry or moving to BlackBerry, Armed forces… BlackBerry, Bank’s, Accountants, Medical places, Insurance… the list is endless AND getting bigger… are BlackBerry, they ALL know the importance of mobile security and yet the mobile carriers who should know better than them haven’t got a clue!

Should we trust these places that trust criminals won’t steal your or anyone else’s data if they find a backdoor into the phones? How can we?

Is it time we all stood up and told them what we want instead of being told what we want?

Shake off the fleece’s all you on inferior operating systems!

Stand up and demand security, and if your operating system won’t (or more likely can’t) give it to you then go where you know you can get it and tell your carrier to supply some REAL security, tell them #WeWantBlackBerry!

If everyone tweets their carrier asking for BlackBerry then at some point they will start to listen, even if it’s just one carrier at a time, let’s turn the tide properly, lets make a tsunami slam them into submission!

And on that note my faithful BlackBerrian congregation I’m going to go and (try) to calm down with a hot, sweet cup of tea and some HobNob’s!

Until next time at the United Temple of BlackBerry you have C000117D3, @CRAPPLEBASHING or the Forum’s to join in the faithful march towards a new mobile world, you know this already, after all, you have a BlackBerry!

Reverend Grim is outta here!

 

Reverend Grim

Who is Reverend Grim? Not many people know. He has a channel on BBMC C000117D3 where he smites the rotten Apple. He has a photographic channel too C0045B753 seeing as he's actually a photographer. All we know is that he preaches the safe, secure word... BLACKBERRY and BB10! He will welcome anyone #BacktoBlack and into the United Temple of BlackBerry for a sermon and a cup of tea, even Brad who doesn't understand a word he says!

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