Rev Grim Preaches – My Dear iPhonians, I’m Lost For Words!

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Well, that’s a lie, when am I ever lost for words?

It is, of course, my job to spiritually guide the unwashed and only the truth may guide them.

Apple on the other hand, my brethren, are most certainly lost for words after this last week or so. With iOS8 being the let down we thought it would be, it’s hard not to feel pity for the iPhonians, the Sheeple as I like to see them, bless them. You see Apple Maps (iMaps) didn’t get a mention at WWDC! Well, not a proper mention, something about vector maps and improvements in China that no one quite understood.

Huh?

How about the rest of the world Mr Cook? Ahh, I see, you’re brown nosing China because they are raw at you for all your security leaks! I’m sorry but 2 years and you still can’t get maps right? What is the deal? How much money do you lot have and yet you can’t get it right?

I’ve got a TomTom for my navigation, cost me £90 and i can’t fault it. Apple are how much bigger than TomTom? I go where ever I want with my trusty Z10 (nothing wrong with BlackBerry Maps, your good Reverend sometimes needs to ride shotgun in the car – there’s unbelievers ahead, you know) and my TomTom which together cost me £250 where as an untrustworthy (in more ways than just maps I must add) Apple thingy would cost me £709.

Wow! I saved myself 0ver £400 and got a better phone!

And get this…

If my TomTom packs in, guess what powers my BlackBerry 10 device?

Hmmm…

TomTom!

And very good it is too.

Come on sheeple, if, in two years they can’t get a simple sat-nav to work within their phones what are you doing still trying to use it? Actually, iMaps not working maybe a blessing in disguise for you. If it can’t locate you properly then we can safely presume that the NSA can’t either! Maybe this is a little thing they have added to try and protect you until they can solve the security issues? That or (and I think this is more like it) Apple are bloody useless!

And as for this new ‘Yosemite’ thing! Yosemite park is over 740 thousand acres… how do you think Apple will find their way round that?

And Yosemite? really? You know every time we hear that there is only one thing we all think of don’t you?

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Maybe this is whats going to happen if you Sheeple complain to Apple in the support pages or on the phone (if it connects!). Here’s hoping kids…

Oh, and another feature that the sheeple will love, but more importantly, the NSA and all the hackers and hijackers will love is this.

With iOS 8 the iPhone’s camera can take pictures of your credit/debit cards to automatically populate credit card information fields in Safari. That means no more arduous copying out of your card number, cardholder name and expiration date every time you want to complete a transaction online and anyone in Starbucks on the wifi or from the NSA etc will have even more information about you! How lucky are you?

And, I don’t know if the BlackBerrians outside of the UK know about this, but Big Brother started here last week and there has been a bit of an uproar from the Androidian population. You see, there is an app to download so that you can follow what is going on in the house… so my wife tells me… (ahem) anyhow, apparently its only available on iOS7… well that made me chuckle… NSA = Big Brother…Big Brother App only on iPhone… only IF you upgrade… what does this tell us?

Well my faithful BlackBerrians I am going to step down from the altar for tonight to make room for some of my brothers and sisters from the United Temple of BlackBerry to spread the word as well, after all, I think they do a much better job than me sometimes… although not as entertaining…

Farewell Brethren and I hope to speak to you all again soon on the importance of keeping the great BlackBerry in your life and I prey that our glorious leader JC (John Chen of course) will bless us all with OS10.3 very soon!

Remember to join in the fun @crapplebashing, utbblogs.com/forum or my BlackBerry channel

Oh, and don’t forget, the High Church of BlackBerry supports #BlackBerryUnleashed

Donations can be made in the form of Tweets with the very same hashtag, and, as we’re not the sort to take gratuities when you aren’t looking, you’ll need to put some effort in. Well, you’d think so but if you are an iPhonian or Androidian goodness knows who your phone is talking to right now.

Maybe you’d like it to be you who decides?

Ah!

You’ll be needing a BlackBerry then…

Reverend Grim out!

Reverend Grim

Who is Reverend Grim? Not many people know. He has a channel on BBMC C000117D3 where he smites the rotten Apple. He has a photographic channel too C0045B753 seeing as he's actually a photographer. All we know is that he preaches the safe, secure word... BLACKBERRY and BB10! He will welcome anyone #BacktoBlack and into the United Temple of BlackBerry for a sermon and a cup of tea, even Brad who doesn't understand a word he says!

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