Rev Grim Preaches – 32 Problems With iOS7….

32 Problems? So Many I Took It To Work To Read...
32 Problems? So Many I Took It To Work To Read…

So once again, while sitting in the arm chair talking to my friend the Grim Squeaker (the death of rats) I got over my beloved BBM a message from my good friend Bigglybobblyboo all about, and get this, “32 Common problems with iOS7 and how to fix them”

Well, this was a weighty tome indeed! So I pondered over the issues for the iPhonians whilst relaxing at work…

And can you fix them? Hmm, what do you think? Well, some, but not all of them!

Here is a list of them, no solutions added from the Source, I’ve put my own or why this problem exists (possibly, Don’t quote me on these!)

Problem: Unable to send email

Still sending your previous emails…..to the NSA

Bug: Disappearing contacts

Being compiled into a list for you……and the NSA

Bug: White screen of death

It’s broke, get a proper phone!

Problem: Can’t make or receive calls

NSA bug malfunction, restart phone to reboot bug

Glitch: Keyboard is orientated the wrong way

NSA have taken over control, normal service will resume shortly. Once they have got what they want (see iBeacon)

Bug: Control Panel and Notification Center don’t appear

Being updated…..by …. you know who!

Glitch: Stuck on Apple logo

NSA app being updated (cough)

Problem: Rapid battery drain

It does use a lot of power to resend all photo’s emails and call’s etc to a 3rd party….. namely……its getting old now……

Bug: Wi-Fi and Bluetooth not working

Not sure on this one but it does bode well for iBeacon!

Problem: Keyboard lag

Bloody awful keyboard from the word go and you’ve put up with it this long so why complain?

Oh, and the NSA have slowed you down as they are busy deciphering your autocorrects…

Bug: iTunes Store keeps crashing

Doesn’t it always? Rock on! Er….

Bug: iMessage or FaceTime not working

NSA not connected properly to your end so can’t connect you to your contacts.

Normal service will be resumed when they are sure they can see who you are talking to.

Glitch: Freezing

Really? Whats new? Thought you’d be so used to this by now that you wouldn’t report it as a bug?

Bug: There Is A Crazy Way To Bypass The Lock Screen

Ask the NSA to remove this bug, it’s a security issue after all.

Problem: Apps keep logging you out

….and logging into another database to upload your scores….and other information

Bug: Loads of unread emails

They;ve been resent back to you from NSA

Problem: iPhone won’t turn on

Flat battery dumb ass! You honestly disconnected it from the wall??

Ha! It doesn’t work like that for more than 10 minutes!

Annoyance: Motion Sickness

Get off the iBoat, your mother always said you got sea sick walking over a bridge!

Glitch: Speaker not working

Turn the volume up! the NSA cant hear you!

Glitch: Media controls not working

No idea on this one! Just a thought though, perhaps its because your iPhone is rubbish?

Glitch: Receiving someone else’s messages or contacts

NSA bug not working properly, please forward to NSA or anyone else you think may want to read them! After all, everyone else is doing it to your messages!

Problem: Can’t send text messages

Still trying to bulk send to someone you don’t know, have no knowledge of and have never met.

Bug: Can’t download app updates

NSA dont want them fixed.

Problem: Charger or cable won’t work

Buy a new one, not a cheap one or Apple will have you electrocuted.

Problem: Camera not working

Still sending live video to NSA

Problem: Hate the new calendar app

Tough really, Mr Cook likes it so you will too! Oh yes, you’ll like it…

Problem: Can’t scale or move wallpapers

Why, oh, why, would you want to? Just have a nice Apple logo….. with built in subliminal messages

Problem: Home button or Sleep/Wake button not responsive

Broken, spend a fortune getting it fixed

Glitch: Ringer volume too low

Turn up iHearing Aid

Glitch: Refreshing apps after switch

Switch to what? Just press the back button and… Oh, that’s right, its not got a back button….ya screwed on that one then

Problem: Unresponsive touchscreen

Is it cracked like any other iPhone that’s been dropped from more than 2cm?

Problem: App downloads appear stuck on “Waiting”

They are waiting for clearence from the NSA to download latest update, and upload any new information you might have.

Come on! seriously! if a phone has 32 problems like this then WHY OH WHY do you still use it?

Buy a new one!

Now, my brethren, don’t be thinking that I’m telling you to buy a BlackBerry, I’m telling you to do some research, not in phone shops because they will tell you what they are being paid to tell you, go to INDEPENDENT websites and forums and ask questions, work out for YOURSELF what is important, for goodness sake, don’t be a sheep! don’t follow the flock!

Your trusty Reverend is preaching the path of individual freedom. Be your own person, look at other peoples experiences and ask them, would it hurt you to do so?

Only in the sense that you would be tearing yourself away from the false path that the iPreachers have been spinning you.

Stand up and shed your isheeps clothing! Become the wolf!

Here endeth today’s lesson in 32 parts….

Remember to hit me up on my BBMC channel c000117D3 on Twitter @crapplebashing or on utbblog.com/forum

Rev. Grim out!

Oh, and if you are an iPhonian and desperate to find out that you can’t fix all these anyway, click below.

Goodnight, my children…

32 Problems With iOS7 And How To Fix Them

Reverend Grim

Who is Reverend Grim? Not many people know. He has a channel on BBMC C000117D3 where he smites the rotten Apple. He has a photographic channel too C0045B753 seeing as he's actually a photographer. All we know is that he preaches the safe, secure word... BLACKBERRY and BB10! He will welcome anyone #BacktoBlack and into the United Temple of BlackBerry for a sermon and a cup of tea, even Brad who doesn't understand a word he says!

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