iPhonians Incandescent At Passport Trade Up Offer

drowning man

Sometimes it’s unfair to pick on a drowning man but they really are so very angry at the cheek of it all…

Fans of beleaguered smartphone manufacturer Apple have got their knickers in rather a twist at Waterloo’s recent move to offer victims a way out from Apple la-la-land and to the green, sunny uplands of the rest of us.

Yes, my friends, the poor dears, supporters of such utter tripe as #bendgate, #antennagate, #hairgate, #ios8, er, gate, iCloud hacks aplenty, iPhones literally setting themselves on fire and burning people and now, of course, #scratchgate… deep breath… just cannot understand why on earth anyone would like to get rid of such a quality product for a BLACKBERRY, of all things.

Here’s Pocket Lint to teach us all a lesson:

Swap your brand new iPhone 6 for a BlackBerry Passport… no, really

BlackBerry is running a promotion in the US for iPhone owners to swap their devices for money towards a brand new BlackBerry Passport, including the iPhone 6.

Why they would want to is anybody’s guess, but the offer includes a cash amount to put to the BlackBerry phone based on the trade-in value of your iPhone plus and additional amount from BlackBerry to keep things sweet.

An iPhone 4S for example will get you up to $100 (£64) for the handset, depending on its condition, and BlackBerry will add a further $200. The most on offer is up to $400 for an iPhone 6, plus BlackBerry’s $200. Considering even the 16GB unlocked iPhone 6 is $649, you’ll be making a loss of $49 in just a couple of months. You’ll be getting a Passport though. Er…

The deal runs in the States from 1 December to 13 February so you have a little while if you want to get your hands on BlackBerry’s oddest looking phone yet. And the offer is strictly for North American customers only so sorry to all Brits who were desperate to ditch their iPhone 6s in favour of something that’s even more cumbersome to fit in a front pocket.

You can use the offer on BlackBerry’s own store site or through Amazon.com only.

Let’s hope someone in the UK puts on a similar offer. We fancy trading in our 2014 Ferrari F12berlinetta for a camel.

Leaving aside the temptation to burst out laughing (ok, I admit it, I did) at the headline and the fact that, rather appropriately, right next to this article was an ad proclaiming – ‘Why is my iPhone so slow? How do I make my iPhone faster? How do I get rid of things I don’t need on my iPhone? Questions that plague us all.’, let’s try and help poor old Rik Henderson out, shall we?

Or shall we leave it to the good folk of Tom’s Guide who, on October 6th, just a few weeks after the iPhone 6/iOS8 launch gave us this handy cut out and keep guide?

All the iPhone 6 (and iOS 8) Fails to Date

Apple needs to get its act together. With the release of the iPhone 6, 6 Plus and iOS 8, Apple’s fans are once again struck by a host of glitches on their devices. From faulty software and problematic updates to a bendable physical body, here are all the ways the new Apple products have failed so far.

1) Bendgate

Sure, the LG G Flex smartphone has a self-healing bendable body and screen, but Apple fans don’t have to be jealous. You can also bend the iPhone 6 Plus just by storing the device in your pocket for about a day. Only thing is, your phone may not straighten back up. Your curvy new phone will retain an unsightly bend.

2) iOS 8 causes camera problems

Red peppers should always look red, regardless of what else is in the picture. But red peppers in photos taken with the iPhone 6 (or an iPhone 5/5c/5s running iOS 8) could look purple or magenta. As discovered by our senior editor Sean Captain, the iOS 8 camera software has white balance issues that results in inaccurately colored pictures. The new operating system also causes the iPhone cameras to sometimes display noticeable chromatic aberration (or color distortion).

3) Touch ID so hackable it’s not funny

When the Touch ID fingerprint sensor debuted on the iPhone 5s, enterprising hackers took immense joy in proving just how easy it was to fool the system. Using just fingerprint powder, fingerprint tape, a laser printer and some glue, German hackers easily bypassed the fingerprint lock on an iPhone 5s. It seems Apple has learned little from the incident last year — you can still crack the iPhone 6’s Touch ID with the same method. The iPhone 6’s fingerprint sensor has been slightly improved to make it somewhat tougher to crack, but it is still fallible. Given Touch ID will be the main means of verification for the new Apple Pay mobile payment system, this is quite a serious flaw.

4) iOS 8 software glitches

Apple itself is already aware of several of the issues with its new operating system. In fact, the company created an update that addresses a list of problems that includes third-party keyboards being deselected when entering passcodes and certain apps being denied access to the Photo Library. iOS 8 also stopped Apple’s Safari browser from being able to upload photos and videos, and sometimes does not restore ringtones from iCloud backups. The good news is, at least Apple is aware of these issues now, right?

5) First iOS 8 patch caused more problems

Instead of fixing what was wrong with iOS 8, the iOS 8.0.1 patch brought so many new problems to iPhones that Apple pulled the update from circulation. In addition to disabling cellular connection, making it impossible to call someone other than over data or Wi-Fi, the 8.0.1 release also brought down Touch ID. Those who downloaded the patch in the hour or so it was available will be restored to iOS 8.0.0 when they connect their phones to iTunes on their computers. This means iOS 8 users will have to live with problems Apple has already identified (and more), until the company gets its act together and issues an update that actually works.

6) Apps crash more on iOS 8 than iOS 7

In addition to being an all-around glitch fest, the entire iOS 8 system will cause your phone’s programs to crash more often than on the preceding version. According to a study by mobile analytics firm Crittercism, iOS 8 is causing apps to crash 65 percent more frequently than iOS 7. Of course, the comparison is slightly unfair; iOS 7 is now a stable release, while iOS 8 still has plenty of kinks to work out.

7) Faulty Bluetooth connection in cars

If you drive an Acura, BMW, Honda, Jeep, Mercedes-Benz, Nissan, Toyota or Porsche, you might not be able to connect your iPhone 6 to your vehicle, thanks to a Bluetooth failure. Many drivers have been unable to receive or send phone calls via their cars’ built-in system after changing to an iPhone 6. In some cases, the iPhone 6 gets stuck trying to find the car as it scans for Bluetooth devices in the area, even if the driver is sitting inside of it.

8) Camera App Freezes or Turns Black

Many people in the Apple discussion forums are reporting that their cameras are stalling or turning black, either while trying to focus or after going into the photo gallery then back to the viewfinder. This happened mostly to people who upgraded an older device, such as an iPad 4, an iPhone 5 or iPhone 4s to iOS 8. In some cases, the camera app wouldn’t even load. Some of these users took their iPhones to their local Apple stores, and while some of them had their issues fixed with a replacement or a software reset, others reported having to fork over $200 for a new iPhone.

9) Microsoft Exchange Mail Accounts Not Syncing

Those who use their iPhones or iPads to access work email accounts or any mail stored on a Microsoft Exchange server may find themselves unable to send or receive messages from those accounts on an iPhone 6 or 6 Plus. As many people in the Apple discussion forums, as well as one of our readers, noted, it appears you are able to set up your account on your new iPhone, but the system will fail to make a connection. Some people were able to fix the issue by resetting network connections (under Settings -> General), or by removing some devices linked to Exchange, since there’s a 10-device limit. Many people report that, despite having tried those steps, they still haven’t fixed their problems. This issue appears to affect only iPhone 6 and 6 Plus, since some running iOS 8 on iPad 2 or iPhone 5s say they can get their mail just fine.

10) Wi-Fi Sync No Longer Works

Apple’s Wi-Fi Sync feature on iTunes 10 and up lets you share apps, music, bookmarks, contacts, calendars, photos and notes between your laptop and iOS device wirelessly. But the iOS 8 update broke that tool, making it impossible for you to sync files between iTunes and your updated iOS device over Wi-Fi. Several users reported the upgrade causing their devices to disappear from the Devices list on iTunes. You’ll have to tether yourself to your laptop with a USB cable to sync your files. Some people managed to fix it by resetting network connections under Settings, but that has not solved the problem for others having the same trouble. The iPhone 6 (and iOS 8) is also plagued by several other network problems, such as AirPrint not working with some models of printers.

11) iOS 8 on Older iPhones Does Not Recognize Own Charging Cable

For $20, the Apple-branded lightning cable should work reliably. But with the iOS 8 update, many people are seeing incompatibility issues between their devices and the lightning cable. Our own senior writer Valentina Palladino was surprised to see a notice saying, “This cable or accessory is not certified and may not work reliably with this iPhone” after plugging her iPhone 5 into a wall outlet with an Apple-supplied cord. After a week or so of seeing that message, the device stopped charging altogether, and would only work if she plugged it into her computer. Others have noted the same issue as well, and no solution has been reported yet, other than going to see a Genius at an Apple store. In addition to not recognizing its own charging cable, the iOS 8 update also appears to cause a longer charging time than normal.

Of course, since then we can add so much more! The utter failure of Apple to be able to fix the damn thing being just one but, let’s be charitable for now and just make a few small points…

If you trade your iPhone in for a BlackBerry Passport, of course, all this crap just goes away…

screen-shot-2014-11-25-at-1-58-00-am

No more ‘wall hugging’, no more stupid Auto Correct, no more useless keyboard, no more pressing of that RIDICULOUS home button, no more leaking of your photos all over the place, no more dropped signal due to the utter failure of the phone to actually perform as one, no more iMessage turning up 8 weeks later, no more emails going missing, no more hairdryer and fridge just to get the wifi going, no more hoping against hope that, ‘I’m sure this upgrade will fix it’, when it actually makes things worse, no more being ripped off for a standard charger cable with a different socket on the end just because they can charge you $20 for it and, most of all…

NO MORE APPLE.

What you DO get is a BlackBerry Passport and, here’s the thing, kids…

IT… JUST… WORKS.

It’s even compatible with your Mac and iPad! *shudder*

I know! That’s a bit clever, isn’t it!

So, when your resident iPhonian comes out with the crap that he can’t believe that people would actually want to swap their bendy brick iPhone for a BlackBerry, don’t laugh too hard.

Take pity on the poor soul. He’s a drowning man, after all. It’ll only take a 2 minute demo for him to see just how far behind they really are now.

And then it’s up to him!

Either cling on to the past or embrace the future.

They’ll never get a better chance to break free…

And if he doesn’t and insists on telling you how stupid you are for even thinking that BlackBerry are even on a par with Apple (they do that , you’ll notice) do yourself a favour and leave it. Sit back and be safe in the knowledge that, not only is he wrong, but that he is VERY WRONG indeed.

The fun you will be having with him over the coming months will be priceless.

Bigglybobblyboo

Bigglybobblyboo is a legend almost nowhere at all. He is a founder member of UTB and spends his spare time taking out his anger at the world with a fishfork and a spatula. He is also a Cribbage Master, having won 1 fight online as the other guy refused to turn up out of fear for his life.

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