iPhonian, Androidian or BlackBerrian – Which One Are You?

confused man

You may be a regular visitor to this very site. You may be just passing through. Or you might pop in from time to time to see what on earth we’re on about now.

Either way, we don’t want you to feel confused about your telephonic preferences so here’s a handy quiz to help you out! Simply answer all the questions and who you are and how you see yourself in the world will be revealed below.

Exciting, huh?

Let’s begin!

Question 1: When you enter a meeting room at 5pm do you:

A) Look frantically for power sockets and automatically start to unwrap the charger cable from round your phone where you keep it.
B) Enjoy the ‘benefits’ of ‘power saving mode’.
C) Carry on as normal.

Question 2: Your phone is:

A) Very pretty! All shiny and really… whoops! There goes the screen again!
B) Light as a feather! All plastic and cheap and… whoops! There goes the screen again!
C) Tough and sturdy. Built to last. Takes some breaking.

Question 3: Good news! You have received some messages! But they are emails, texts, Whatsapp thingys and BBM’s… Do you:

A) Frantically search from app to app hoping that you’ve got them all while stabbing away at the Home button like a lunatic to jump from one to another.
B) Plod around your amazing ‘Notification Centre’ thinking it’s the bees knees.
C) Seamlessly deal with one after the other in your Hub at a speed other platforms can only dream of.

Question 4: Oh no! An email you have received has an attachment! You need to forward it to someone without revealing who sent you it! What do you do?

A) A what now?
B) Well now, it, er, depends…
C) No problem. Long press on the attachment and Share.

Question 5: There’s an Operating System update coming. Do you:

A) Prepare to have all your personal photos deleted and grab your hairdryer as the only remedy for your wifi switching off shortly.
B) Shrug your shoulders as it ‘won’t be available for your device’.
C) Look forward in anticipation to all the new features you are about to enjoy despite the fact your phone is over 2 years old.

Question 6: Apps are:

A) The only way to get my phone to do anything of use. Unfortunately I only have room on it for around 5 and my battery dies when I use them.
B) A great way for people to take my money without me realising and my battery dies after I download them, never mind use them.
C) A handy addition to my already feature rich OS.

Question 7: Micro SD Cards are:

A) Completely unnecessary. My files automatically upload to the iCloud where they are hacked for all to see.
B) Erm… outdated due to… erm… bogus ones? Maybe? Well, at least my files will be safe with Google, won’t they?
C) An inexpensive way of expanding your phone’s memory whilst keeping them safe and secure in a portable format.

Question 8: You USED to have a BlackBerry but you decided to change. Do you:

A) Desperately rant on and on and on about how great an obviously ovrpriced and ¬†inferior product is and blindly pretend it’s all ok.
B) Desperately rant on and on about how much ‘choice’ you have now and repeat the words ‘root it’ as if it’s a religious mantra.
C) Gently admit that the grass wasn’t greener after all and come #BackToBlack at the first opportunity.
D) Buy a garish yellow Luminous monstrosity and tell everyone back in BlackBerria how clever you are.

Question 9: You think a fingerprint scanner is:

A) A completely harmless way (that doesn’t work very often anyway) of giving the one unique physical attribute you have to a faceless corporation with an appalling record for security.
B) A completely harmless way (that doesn’t work very often anyway) of giving the one unique physical attribute you have to a faceless corporation with an appalling record for security.
C) A stupid idea and actually less secure than something like ‘Picture Password’ which only you can know as it’s in your brain and can be used in full view of someone else and they can’t crack it.

Question 10: Your name is Chris and you are a respected financial journalist. Do you:

A) Use a phone that thinks you are your own Dad. Seriously.
B) Use a phone (that you have since ditched in favour of the above) that merrily uploads all your Contacts details without their consent to a third party, all in the name of having those ‘Google Services’.
C) Get a grip and buy a Passport.

Question 11: For you, value for money is:

A) Buying a phone that is bendy and sets on fire
B) Buying a phone that is plastic and sets on fire
C) Buying a phone that is neither and doesn’t set on fire.

Question 12: Your phone defines you. Are you:

A) An iDiot
B) Assimilated
C) Free

That’s it! Well done for getting to Question 12. Here’s how you fared…

Mostly A’s:

Oh dear. You are an iPhonian. You think you have the latest and greatest thing but in truth you are living in the tech equivalent of the dark ages. Not much has moved on for you for quite some time now and there is every chance that you make excuse after excuse to justify the incredible amount of money you have parted with for sub-standard goods. It might look pretty but it won’t be long before instead of loudly proclaiming how you have an Apple product you realise the best thing to do is quietly hide it in company. In the next 2 years your disenchantment is likely to grow as much as your frustration at the fact that Apple aren’t going to fix it after all. You may defend them now but slowly but surely you will come to realise that the world hasn’t just passed you by – it’s laughing at you for paying all that cash for nothing. It might not be time to come #BackToBlack yet but it won’t be long now.

Mostly B’s:

Congratulations! You are NOT an iPhonian! You are an Androidian. Things aren’t looking too good and you are bound to be questioning just where all this is headed right now. Once so new and exciting, the Android world, like it’s software, now seems so laggy and out of touch. The spec wars are done and, truth is, the whole thing is stuck in 2012 while someone you don’t know is pawing over all your personal details musing over whether to raid your bank account at the touch of a button. You too are hanging on in there, but you are more likely to question what the hell is really going on – which isn’t much. You are likely to feel a bit betrayed by the move away from SD card storage (in a blatant attempt to get more cash from you) and are more likely to see the absolute sense in coming #BackToBlack.

Mostly C’s:

Happy days! You are a fully fledged BlackBerrian! Things are looking up for you, of the 3 major platforms yours is the only one going places. Not only do you own the most advanced phones on the planet but, thanks to BlackBerry’s commitment to hardware, security, privacy and QNX kernel you can sit back and relax in the knowledge that your platform of choice is about to stretch away into the distance in terms of capability. All you need now is more fellow travellers to help make the journey for the others complete.

Mostly D’s:

You are Kris Simundsen.

That’s it! Hope you found what you were looking for in the answers you probably should have given. To be honest I could have come up with more Q’s and A’s but, hey, let’s not spoil it for another time.

If you were disappointed by your score, what are you waiting for?

The answer is, of course, very simple.

Get yourself down to your nearest cellular stockist.

And buy a BlackBerry.


Bigglybobblyboo is a legend almost nowhere at all. He is a founder member of UTB and spends his spare time taking out his anger at the world with a fishfork and a spatula. He is also a Cribbage Master, having won 1 fight online as the other guy refused to turn up out of fear for his life.

  • emstardeluxe

    Gotta say Biggs, this was pretty hilarious. Mostly D’s, lolol

    • Em! Welcome home…! Not a D then?

      • emstardeluxe

        In no category am I a D, lol

  • DonMariano

    Only you Biggly, both accurate and funny as hell. LOL

  • BB Racer !!

    Lol lol…..My apologies ” watching iPhone users using iOS email and attachment email is like watching useless work in progress “. Ah Android, just received an OS update and I say ” Fusk IT ” do not want to gamble with my File Manager getting screwed Up !!! God forbid it updates the Android OS automatically !!! Errr

  • BB Racer !!

    Lol lol…..My apologies ” watching iPhone users using iOS email and attachment email is like watching useless work in progress “. Ah Android, just received an OS update and I say ” Fusk IT ” do not want to gamble with my File Manager getting screwed Up !!! God forbid it updates the OS automatically !!!

  • Atmari

    I want to see an iphonian commenting. Just cuz

  • web99

    Great post, Biggly! I can relate to it after seeing a colleague of mine that owns an IPhonian struggle with multiple attachments on an email and poor battery life.

  • Anthony

    Today I saw an iPhone user plug into one of those outdoor electrical outlets beside a tree in a park. locco_smiley_35

    • Anthony

      This list would be more ‘effective’ if all A is BlackBerry. locco_smiley_17

  • bungaboy

    So accurate!

  • bambinoitaliano

    Hey! I resent that remark! My red Passport is shiny and pretty! That’s The reason I get it. Who cares about security and all the advance specs thta come with the phone. And I am charging my Passport all the time. Just because I can. Iphone does not have the exclusivity on that!

  • Bwahahahahahahaha!!! Mostly D’s!!!!

    Excellent post sir!!! Great way to highlight some of the significant differences in the platforms. I think this is one of your best!! locco_smiley_10 locco_smiley_10 locco_smiley_10

  • Anthony

    Who is “Kris Simundsen” locco_smiley_31

  • Robert

    =)) locco_smiley_1 locco_smiley_32 locco_smiley_33 locco_smiley_36 locco_smiley_35