It’s been a long time since we’ve seen anyone challenge the throne of our own Resident iDiot, Mr Geller himself. But a new challenger has arisen and Jonothon should be afraid… he’s from my very own Britain.
Worse than that, he even has a comedy name.
When the Passport was released obviously a number of review units went out to tech bloggers. As we have seen, many at the time had made their minds up before it ever reached their grasps. People who, frankly didn’t deserve to touch the thing, deciding, for example, to slap cheese on it and attempt to use it as some sort of culinary implement rather than actually using it for what it is designed for – being a damn good phone.
And, as the time has passed, those people have made themselves look pretty stupid with he resultant sales and stellar customer reviews the Passport has garnered as the PUBLIC have steadfastly refused to take a blind bit of notice of those that think they are paid to tell them what to do.
Into this camp steps Hunter Skipworth (not a made up name) from leading UK tech site DigitalSpy.co.uk who, on Sep 25th gave HIS take on the new BlackBerry Passport. A phone which he couldn’t be bothered spending any time with prior to appearing on camera:
Hunter starts his review in a fair and balanced way with his introduction:
‘Hi there, this square monstrosity is the new BlackBerry Passport’
We then get the obligatory ‘the phone that is supposed to save BlackBerry from doom’ line (yawn)…
And it pretty much goes downhill from there.
What’s his first beef? Well, it’s a new one, the Lock Screen button! He doesn’t like it at the top. Oh dear.
To demonstrate how a lock button SHOULD work he grabs for an iPhone 6 Plus (surprise there) and nearly drops it showing how much more convenient it is.
He then doesn’t like the keyboard (it feels all squashed), he doesn’t like the wide aspect (it makes websites look funny compared to an iPhone) he doesn’t think the Passport displays more characters across it’s width (‘no it doesn’t, hur, hur’ ) and then, he says, is the last thing:
The BlackBerry 10.3 OS. ‘I…don’t…know…what…I’m… doing half the time.’
And proceeds to demonstrate his total iDiocy by, let’s face it, deliberately making a ham’s fist of swiping on the screen. Poor soul, you can tell by his clunky motions he’s just itching to stab away at that home button.
But that isn’t the last thing.
Although he likes the innovative design, the Passport, unlike the iPhone 6 Plus – that just bends and sets on fire, stabs him with ‘these things’ which, to the rest of us are called CORNERS (never had that one myself) and then he also doesn’t like the fact that it’s ‘quite big and quite heavy but that’s because it has a big battery which is SUPPOSED to last 30 hours but…’
Here’s the best bit.
‘I haven’t had it for 30 hours yet’
Finishing off his in depth review Hunter treats us to the line which he labelled his review with and which other sites then picked up on with glee.
‘Basically this is the physical embodiment of everything that is boring about life’
Well, Hunter – nice try!
But you’ll have to try harder to beat Mr Geller.
Because, you see, you admitted it halfway through.
You really don’t know what you’re doing, do you?
Easy story, sneer at BlackBerry, job done.
Bad news is, everything that has happened since has disproved pretty much everything you say. Stock sold out everywhere, people clamouring to get one and customer reviews through the roof from people who actually HAVE had the phone for over 30 hours.
So, all in all, supremely high levels of iDiocy and you have made yourself look a right tool. But then what should we expect from someone who was previously at Pocket Lint and is about to up sticks to a car website, apparently?
Be afraid all you high end car manufacturers, he likes mundane does this one.
The one thing we would say though in your favour is that your Nan made you a lovely jumper for Christmas…
But why are you still wearing it in September?