China is a big deal to Apple. The prospect of the iPhone selling in any kind of quantity there is what is keeping Apple going since the company is 75% reliant on it’s shiny monstrosity. But with the sudden collapse in the Chinese middle class, with the economy stuttering and share prices collapsing, what will save them now?
The answer, it seems, is sperm banks.
Yes, it’s true. After some poor soul sold a kidney in China to afford an iPhone (if only we could have had the chance to tell him there was more longevity and functionality with the kidney) a sperm bank in China is offering a once in a, er, evening, chance to get your, er, hands on a piece of 2012.
According to Chinese site Xinhuanet, it’s all the, er, rage…
“To sell a kidney” has become a well-known metaphor for the fever pitch surrounding Apple products. It was coined after a teenager made headlines for selling one of his kidneys to buy an iPhone and an iPad in 2011.
A sperm bank in central China’s Hubei Province posted a similar ad highlighting a picture of the new rose gold iPhone 6s, a color created mainly to attract Chinese consumers.
The Shanghai ad is bluntly titled “New Solution to Get iPhone 6s”, evoking some criticism that the sperm bank is being insensitive.
Be warned though iPhonians, you need to be up to the job…
Those who qualify to donate can receive up to 6,000 yuan for 17 ml of semen. The latest Apple model is expected to cost around 5,288 yuan.
An iPhonian? 17ml? Hardly likely.
However, this has led to much speculation as to exactly how female iPhonian wannabes can, er, jump on board and exactly how Timmy and co will gauge the success of this incredible offer, as reported by zerohedge.com:
It was not exactly clear how potential female consumers of iPhone are supposed to capitalize on this latest Chinese craze, and while there are countless, and very humorous, places one can take this latest manifestation of capitalism perhaps gone too far, one potential Chinese “channel check” may have appeared: masturbation as a leading indicator of iPhone sales. Because just when sales were starting to turn flaccid, here comes China’s sperm-for-iPhones Hail Mary, promising at least several more quarters of firm stock reactions to EPS beats.
So THAT’S what Force Touch in iOS9 (currently breaking around 20% of iDevices near you) was for!
I really was wondering…
By the way, I must get that ‘W’ key fixed. Keeps typing ‘B’s.
Did I miss any corrections?