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"HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - Printable Version

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"HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - TRUENORTH - 09-04-2015

The best wearable gadget available, but it still has a long way to go.

That’s the gist of early reviews for the Apple Watch, which goes on sale April 24.
Here’s a round-up of what tech writers are saying so far:
CNET: “The Apple Watch is the most ambitious, well-constructed smartwatch ever seen, but first-gen shortfalls make it feel more like a fashionable toy than a necessary tool.” Among the gripes: a short battery life, slow recharge, confusing interface and slow performance. 3.5 stars out of 5.

BloombergBusiness: “The notification scheme is a little maddening at first. Apple sends a push notification every time you get a corporate e-mail, personal e-mail, direct message on Twitter, message on Facebook, and for interactions in countless other services. Each of these notifications pings the watch. For every message, there is a sound, a vibration, or both. (You can mute them.) If you’re a busy person who communicates constantly on your phone, this gets overwhelming fast. I found myself turning off notifications from entire apps, which seems to defeat the purpose of the watch in the first place.”

Re/Code: “Of the half-dozen smartwatches I’ve tested in recent years, I’ve had the best experience with Apple Watch. If you’re an iPhone power user and you’re intrigued by the promises of wearable technology, you’ll like it, too. But that doesn’t mean Apple Watch is for everyone. Not everyone has an iPhone 5 or later, which is required for the watch to work. Not everyone wants her wrist pulsing with notifications, finds animated emojis thrilling or needs to control an Apple TV with her wrist. Smartwatches can sometimes feel like a solution in search of a problem.”


The Verge: “Let’s just get this out of the way: the Apple Watch, as I reviewed it for the past week and a half, is kind of slow. There’s no getting around it, no way to talk about all of its interface ideas and obvious potential and hints of genius without noting that sometimes it stutters loading notifications. Sometimes pulling location information and data from your iPhone over Bluetooth and Wi-Fi takes a long time. Sometimes apps take forever to load, and sometimes third-party apps never really load at all. Sometimes it’s just unresponsive for a few seconds while it thinks and then it comes back.”

New York Times: “It took three days — three long, often confusing and frustrating days — for me to fall for the Apple Watch. But once I fell, I fell hard…. It was only on Day 4 that I began appreciating the ways in which the elegant $650 computer on my wrist was more than just another screen. By notifying me of digital events as soon as they happened, and letting me act on them instantly, without having to fumble for my phone, the Watch became something like a natural extension of my body — a direct link, in a way that I’ve never felt before, from the digital world to my brain.”


Mashable: “I started this review process as a serious skeptic, but not a denier. I wear a smartwatch (the Pebble Steel) almost every day. When I started testing the Apple Watch almost a week ago, I insisted on wearing the Pebble on my left wrist while wearing the new device on my right to compare. However, a few days in, I realized I was no longer glancing at the Pebble. I finally left the Pebble behind, and I don’t miss it. That's because the Apple Watch is an excellent, elegant, stylish, smart and fundamentally sound device.”



Wall Street Journal: “After over a week of living with Apple’s latest gadget on my wrist, I realized the company isn’t just selling some wrist-worn computer, it’s selling good looks and coolness, with some bonus computer features. Too many features that are too hard to find, if you ask me.”


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - james pisano - 09-04-2015

Interesting comments.

I wonder if the WSJ quote was from that lady who has her head nestled deeply up the backside of Cook and Apple in general. If so, she is not objective at all.

Glad to see there are some people who have a sense of reality when they review this product.


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - newcollector - 09-04-2015

Whoever it is that wrote the WSJ review sure did slam Apple. She basically said Apple is a lot of show (good looks and coolness) but no go (too many features too hard to find). In other words the watch is fluff with little or no substance.


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - james pisano - 10-04-2015

I think they were really trying to compliment it newcollector, but hopefully people will read it as you did. :)


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - Canuckvoip - 10-04-2015

The iPad was panned by quite a few running up to its release, and look at how that turned out.
That being said, this thing still looks much less useful.


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - newcollector - 10-04-2015

If the iWatch performs as those who actually have one describes, there are going to be a lot of disappointed buyers.


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - DickLewis13 - 10-04-2015

Those that buy an Apple Watch would be good candidates to purchase the Brooklyn Bridge or ocean front property in Arizona.


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - davemorgan - 11-04-2015

New York Times 'it took three days.....long often confusing and frustrating days....' at least they spent 3 days trying to work a stupid watch, sure it shouldn't take 3 days isn't iPhone easy and intuitive to use?

I wish they would put the same effort into reviewing BlackBerry rather than just making an assumption based on 10mins fiddling (can't call it use!)

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RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - james pisano - 12-04-2015

Yeah, Dave. Most reviewers seem to dislike the BBRY before they start, spend a little time with it, messing around, essentially looking for evidence to support their initial opinion, and then give them a bad review.

Then they add in the "I really wanted to like this phone, but" just to give themselves a little credibility. Sham.


RE: "HI! I'm a self important, egotistical, human rectum with my new i-watch!" - Zensen - 12-04-2015

Apple watch is only as good as your phone can stay on long enough. I guess you'll be plugging them both in at the same time before the day is over.
I really wouldn't want to be causing excessive battery drain on any previous apple phone iteration

It's quite ridiculous how the watch is pretty much useless without the phone and that the 6 plus is the only iPhone worth pairing due to better battery life.
It's worse that people have had to turn off notifications because it became annoying and thus defeating the purpose of the watch in the first place. From the little I know there are some smart watch platforms that don't bother you as much while still appealing to the inner geek and those in need to be notified.
I still think my led on my BlackBerry is all that I need as I'll let my watch do what it's supposed to do while staying powered for years!

It seems to me, apple has trained people too well now that they all expect to have it working and easy to use straight out of the box AND because it's apple it seems reviewers persevered for days - If only BlackBerry got as good a treatment.

The problem reviewers have had with BlackBerry 10 was that they couldn't understand not having a home button and it's unique features like the hub. Within hours they seemingly gave up on learning a better, more efficient way of getting around and multitasking which gave it a piss poor review imo. This bugged me because it was a far better experience than the 'stop, go' multitasking apple provided with its 'in and out' philosophy.

So here we are and it looks like apple are getting some mixed reviews where it's form over function and where the navigation is a little confusing. This just leans to this watch being disposed of and unapologetically 'fixed' (sort of) in iteration 2. That's just how apple rolls right? Great environmental impact there apple. Apple users will give it 9/ 10 and forget all about how useless the first version was because they now have another new shiny gadget.

Apparently, Apple users like to put up with limitations. BlackBerry users don't miss notifications and have blend to extend the platform.

On another note I'm getting a 'classic' watch next month that'll last years without it being dumped for an upgrade.

I'd expect my watch to be handed down if I look after it as it's not cheap . ( I'm not supposed to know this gift, haha) ;)