Androidians – Want To Be Slabbed To Death Or Get A BlackBerry Priv?

samsung keyboard

Don’t let Apple fool you, Android is THE most successful platform on the planet. From nowhere, whilst BlackBerry and Apple floundered around, Google convinced 80% of the planet to let them steal their data, er, sorry, use their open platform OS, by getting on board some manufacturers who saw they could take advantage and make a few dollars on the side.

Then those same manufacturers found that phone users were a bit dumb. They would upgrade EVERY YEAR (or two) regardless of what was coming. All they needed to do was add a couple of gimmicks, talk about increased specs (this would get rid of the lag they were now experiencing, you see) and everyone would get very excited and just run out and buy one. This strategy was great apart from two things. Firstly it was far too successful. So the likes of Samsung set BIG targets which ended up being FAR too big a slice of their overall pie. And secondly…

People began to see through it.

Still though, Androidian OEM’s persisted. Hey, Samsung came up with that beautiful keyboard with their last phone, Androidians would LAP it up… only everyone fell about laughing.

Meanwhile, HTC were busy dropping to bits, LG made a penny a phone and Sony found that their phones were indeed so useless that after a hack they had to break out the, er….


And therefore are seriously wondering if it’s all worth the bother.

Even now Androidians are going all gaga over the new Nexus, which, er, looks like all the others. Fortunately for them, a knight in shining armour is on the way.


We BlackBerrians know that BlackBerry 10 is WAY FAR advanced of anything Androidians have ever experienced. Hell, even our CEO, when faced with the joy of going back to stabbing a home button did what any good BlackBerrian would do and swiped up on the screen. It’s intuitive, you see and much more efficient.

But we also know you Androidians can be a bit ‘stick in the mud’ with the clunky stuff. So, we’ve taken pity on you and here’s the deal…

We’ve brought some of the good stuff to you!

Yes, we’ve made an Android that does loads of the really cool stuff that our BlackBerry’s that YOU said were rubbish did all along. Judging by a lot of your comments, many of you are gagging for it. The irony is that you’ll be getting a little taste (but no cigar!) of the banquet but hey, who cares, eh? the truth is that we BlackBerrians are a civil bunch and we will welcome you home – BackToBlack where you rightfully belong.

So if you are an Androidian who can’t tear yourself from your ‘Home’ button (still makes me laugh, that one) do yourself a favour, grab a slice of the good stuff, don’t be bored and slabbed to death, go grab yourself a BlackBerry Priv at your first opportunity.

We made it for you.

It hurt.

But you’ll love it, I promise.


Bigglybobblyboo is a legend almost nowhere at all. He is a founder member of UTB and spends his spare time taking out his anger at the world with a fishfork and a spatula. He is also a Cribbage Master, having won 1 fight online as the other guy refused to turn up out of fear for his life.

  • Tinioesjunior

    You guys are good!!!!!

    I love each one of your posts.

    This one made me laugh a lot!


  • nnik

    Run and hide Apple

  • Schmurf

    Love it! I certainly don’t mind letting Androidians come join our party. They just need to know that they will be drinking the house label stuff that while still good, is nowhere near what our private label stuff is like. Have a taste. Bet you’ll want more…

    • Martin

      Excellent analogy! Lol

  • KING_Kia

    That samsung phone is UGLY!

    The Good == BLACKBERRY , The Badass == Prim “BB/Android”, and The Ugly == Samsung

  • Trev

    Good post, Biggs. I’m also glad you used that diaper-wearing Samsung in the same post as the PRIV – really shows that BlackBerry knows how to make a keyboard look (and function) damn good…

    …even with Android.

  • Anthony

    Look at the Priv, :O , then the Samsung, locco_smiley_36

  • Mzceetee

    Wishing the BlackBerry Priv does well, it’s being notice in the media more of shocker conversation BlackBerry running Android who saw that coming, curiosity especially among Android users will peak their interest something different off from their own line up.. personal myself I rather have the opportunity to continue with BlackBerry 10.

  • Nice post Biggs. It will be interesting to see how the Priv is accepted and what aspects are celebrated amongst the Android community.

    I know we all think it will sell like crazy. I think it’s so cool and well spec’d that it will be picked up at the stores that display them. Hopefully all the carriers offer them as anticipated. I think it’s going to leap off the shelves.

    If this does what we hope and brings people to BlackBerry, and Chen does not abandon BB10, it seems there would be some spillover into BB10 devices two years from now when those folks consider upgrading.

  • BB Racer !!

    .Please tell me nobody bought that Samsung qwerty…my my