They Knew You Needed it, Before They Created the Need

iPhone-7-curved-screen

If you were one of the foolish (like me) who thought that a bendable phone was a design flaw, you clearly haven’t looked deeply enough at Apple’s genius.

We’ve all heard the mantras from the Apple Worship Cult any time Apple appears to be doing something wrong:

The reason for lagging the cutting edge of technology and copying other manufacturer’s tech?

Apple takes other peoples ideas and “perfects” them, and perfection takes time.

The reason they come up with things nobody needs?

Apple knows what we need before we do.

To maintain the illusion of technical superiority, Apple also will never admit to making a design mistake.

AntennaGate – “you’re holding it wrong” Apple gave out a free case to “fix” this non-issue.

BendGate – “With normal use a bend in iPhone is extremely rare and through our first six days of sale, a total of nine customers have contacted Apple with a bent iPhone 6 plus.” As of today the website www.oneofthenine.com documents a total of 602 bent iPhones.

Well fear not ye Apple faithful, it has been discovered that Apple actually intended the iPhone 6 to bend. Why?
To create a need.

Behind the scenes Apple secretly knew that you would need this before you did.
What is it that you need that you didn’t know you would need?

A flexible phone! Of course. Why? Because that phone you are using bends when you put it in your back pocket and sit on it, stupid customer!
And iPhone 6 was all about proving that you have this need. Follow the strategy? Apple is so far ahead of it’s time you should not even question them.

Who knows if this is even possible, but Apple wanted the patent, before the iPhone 6 and bendgate. So I’m sorry to inform you who purchased the iPhone 6, but your phone was merely a Beta Test unit for the final design of the Apple FlexiPhone. It takes time to perfect these things you know!

So, here it is the patent for flexible electronic devices:

USPTO 8,929,085 , filed September 30th 2011
The patent covers flexible batteries and flexible displays

bend

Blackjack

I am a long time BlackBerry user and fan. Beginning with the 7520, I have recognized the value of subtle productivity enhancements in BlackBerry devices for business communication and have never since strayed. Even when the iPhone took the market by storm, I was unimpressed, because it did nothing to help my business needs. Currently enjoying my one handed dream phone, the Classic! BB10 with a toolbelt! Today I contribute to UTB whenever I feel that I can help enlighten someone on the benefits of using BlackBerry over any other platform.

  • GeniUs! How do they do it??!!

    • Robert

      Easy. They take something that already exists, f**k it up and call it innovation. locco_smiley_8

  • jrohland

    The phone is just the beginning. We need flexible everything. Lets start with the obvious; Railroad tracks, flying aluminum tubes, elevator shafts, bones. Why the only thing hard will be understanding why anyone buys Apple products.

  • It’s hard for me to know what to say. Clearly the batteries on the phones produced already are not intended to bend or they wouldn’t explode as a result. I also know they did not market these devices as “conforming to your buttocks” or whatever, if anyone thinks this was intentional; they’re high or really uninformed.

    I would freely admit if I thought they were doing anything special right now. Case in point- as much of a maniac as Jobs was, I think he belongs on the list of great CEOs. He was certainly the MVP of his company and turned it around and made it wildly successful. I also admit he was in touch with consumers and saw needs and capitalized on them. The first generations of iPhone were clever, nicely made, easy to use, and satisfied a need in the consumer market.

    Having said all this, I haven’t seen anything noteworthy from Cupertino since about the time BB10 came out. From what I can tell Apple is resting on it’s laurels and using it’s market share to bully it’s customers and media outlets. It’s also producing generic tech that is devoid of anything innovative. They’ve peaked and are on the way down. I suspect their ability to control the narrative surrounding their tech relative to others is waning as well.

  • nnik

    Kinda like the British changing to left hand drive, first they’ll move the cars over and if alls well, the trucks and buses the following year

    • Brad

      Lmfao!!!

    • Bwahahahahaha!

    • Blackjack

      Great analogy!

  • Anthony

    This would be cool. A watch you could bend into a desired shape. Perhaps even around your wrist like a watch. locco_smiley_39

  • Trev

    Makes sense to me. They put crazy people in padded rooms, now they can keep playing with their floppy, flimsy iPhone.

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