Rev Grim Preaches – What’s The Excitement About An Incredibly Boring Merger With Apple?

Rev Grim

Hello my beloved brethren…

Sunday again and what’s been going on here then?

Why are people getting excited and upset over this, and I mean this wholeheartedly, huge joke!

Lets face it, the words Apple and Security don’t work well together do they? Unless its in the form of  “Apple security is a joke and the National Security Agency know it!”

This could be the biggest downfall ever for Apple and also the biggest boost for BlackBerry, if Apple get this wrong, which is pretty much guaranteed what with their past record of achievements, then BlackBerry will be the ONLY choice for business.

Knox has died a death, why? Because it’s not BlackBerry and never will be, it’s going to be the same with Apple / IBM, they can’t make a secure OS in a few months… hell they can’t make a secure OS in 7 years! Lets look at some of the evidence… And when I say lets look at the evidence please understand I am just throwing a few of the hacks out … the list is MUCH bigger!

2007 – June 29th iPhone released, hacked within months to take any sim card, Apple sort this on September 27th… first JailBreak October 8th… the start of the Apple security downfall!

Countless hacks after updated OS releases…

2011 Russian makes ALL apps free from iOS3 to iOS6 if you give him your details… hmm, your trusting!

2011 Nicholas Allegra Hacks Apple so often that they give him a job to stop hacking them! Leaves in 2012 to join Google as an intrim…

2012 AntiSec say the hack FBI laptop, turns out to be an Apple developer “BlueLoad” and he dishes out thousands of iPhone UID’s.

Apple TV, well, from the word go you’ve been able to hack that!

2012 Information on 275,000 3rd party developers is stolen when the dev portal was hacked.

Then we have Starbucks app, NSA, iPhones in Australia being held for ransom, a fake iCloud to unlock all stolen iPhones, technically opening them up for the thieves to have ALL the sheeples personal information…

Can any see what I’m getting at here? Apple have so many holes that the only way to sort it is to give up and sell up for a dirt cheap price, after all, would you buy a bucket so old and rusty it couldn’t hold water even in a river?

Sooner or later everyone is going to have to see this, why do people still turn a blind eye to it?

Well we at the United Temple of BlackBerry don’t, HA, if we did then we wouldn’t have BlackBerries would we?

On top of all the security issues that would need to be fixed then you have all the other problems with the OS and handset, battery life for one! there also seems to be an issue with wireless after the last iOS7.1.2 update… as in it’s nowhere near as good at picking up wifi signals anymore… thanks again Apple support for this little doozie!

Also the one about iPhones not accepting the Lightning cable after the updates! Yep, thats right the update is telling people that Lightning cables aren’t certified! Even the cable supplied WITH the iPhone! Good job there Apple! Now the sheeple can’t charge their phones! Oh, hang on then… that means we can’t call them wall huggers… hmm…

And poor old Michaelfromhull…

Every morning he wakes up and his iPhone has deleted all his contacts, he has to spend ages getting them back from the iCloud before he goes to work…

Well never fear Michaelfromhull, you may be an iPhone sheeple blind to all the rubbish apple throw at you but we at the United Temple of BlackBerry can help you! (yes, that’s right, Reverend Grim is going to help the blind ones! Don’t look so surprised!)

Just follow the simple instructions here and you will be happy with your handset!

1 – Put iPhone on charge, we don’t want to lose power at a critical moment do we?

2 – Go into Siri and ask for “non removable contacts”

3 – Tell Siri again you want “non removable contacts”

4 – Shout at Siri “if you delete my contacts again I am going to smash you with this hammer”

5 – (you will need a hammer for this next part) Explain to Siri that if it doesn’t understand – now swing hammer in a downward motion onto the screen until impact – you have no choice but to go out to your local phone shop and buy a nice shiny BlackBerry Z30..

6 – Walk out the front door, go to the phone shop and buy a Z30, enjoy a handset that does so much more than your last one, has many more apps than your last one (BBworld + Android = more than iOS) a better battery, better… well, better bloody everything!

And those 6 steps michaelfromhull is how you solve your missing contacts problem!

Ahhhhh…

Another soul saved.

Well my amazing BlackBerrians, its time to retire once again, and of course I will keep an eye open for any sheeple or disturbed robots that need showing the way, like michaelfromhull, as I am sure you will too!

Remember, when you find them guide them gently towards the BlackBerry fansite that cares for its members, new and old, or send them to your dear old Reverend Grim, its easy to get hold of me, directly, either here at utbblogs.com or my personal confessional Twitter –  @CRAPPLEBASHING or of course my dainty BBM Channel where all sinners are welcome for a little chat on the road towards righteousness…

So, once again, far too soon, another sermon is over.

But at least michaelfromhull is saved.

It’s one sinner at a time for your dear Reverend…

Who’s next?

Goodnight my brethren, sweet dreams and may the Good Lord Chen watch over you and your handset!

Reverend Grim out!

Reverend Grim

Who is Reverend Grim? Not many people know. He has a channel on BBMC C000117D3 where he smites the rotten Apple. He has a photographic channel too C0045B753 seeing as he's actually a photographer. All we know is that he preaches the safe, secure word... BLACKBERRY and BB10! He will welcome anyone #BacktoBlack and into the United Temple of BlackBerry for a sermon and a cup of tea, even Brad who doesn't understand a word he says!

  • Blackjack

    Amen Reverend! Another awesome sermon to give eyed to the blind! Soon they will he singing “I once was blind but now I see!”. And if not, I’m sure you have a special place in hell for the nonbelievers!

  • BB Racer !!

    My Question is for Re/Code Walt Mossberg : he said to John Chen ” I have not seen one soul on BBM ” ……well Walt I know you took long walks with the late Steve Jobs ..God rest his soul but you are a big big Apple fan and basically a Blah on BlackBerry ……well Walt on your next Apple interview asked Apple chiefs about their iOS email platform ?

  • Robert

    Bwhahahaha locco_smiley_33

    When will the sheeple finally see the light? How can they be so blind? Why do they continue to believe the lies they are told?

  • nnik

    I knew it was bad, just never realized just how bad, look on the bright side crappolians, a Z30 is not that expensive compared to what you have been paying for garbage

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